Christmas limbo, anxiety edition


I’ve heard the time after Christmas be described as a limbo were nothing happens. For some unfathomable reason I decided that this was the perfect moment to work through long-neglected items on my to-do list, with the predicable result that I spent every single morning hyper-ventilating at the massive mountain of tasks that lay before me. Hello anxiety, my old friend!

Breathe, just breathe

To be honest, I have a hard time staying in the here and now. That sounds esoteric, but I simply mean that when I’m working on one task I’m already anxiously thinking about the next four on my to-do list. I regularly have to remind myself to take a deep breath and concentrate on the thing before me. Otherwise I talk myself into an anxiety shutdown, and nothing gets accomplished anyway.

I’m going to print this out and look at it every morning.

Some of the negative self-talk stems from the job interviews I’ve been doing in the past months, where people pick and pick at your resume to find all your weak spots. Why haven’t I done a second or third degree, learnt five languages, volunteered at three charities while accumulating at least 20 years of work experience? I don’t even know, it’s probably a personal deficiency.

A room for myself

I know I need to put these thoughts aside. In the little anxiety box at the back of my brain, titled “stop obsessing over it”. I know. I should concentrate on the things I have accomplished instead of those I didn’t (yet). That’s why I give Phil an exhaustive list of every little thing I’ve done each day, less so that he knows I’m a busy bee and more so that I remember I am. Phil also tells me I need to make room for recreation and relaxation (ever the educator, that one). So, in the spirit of making this room, here’s the good stuff that happened today.

Knitting is my yoga

Fidget socks by Amy Stringer

I continued knitting the socks for my uncle. Knitting, of course, is like meditation for me. It keeps me calm and eases my anxiety. My brain loves the methodical nature of it. I’ve finished the leg of the first thought. Next is turning the heel. The pattern calls for the Fish Lips Heel, so I guess I’ll learn something new!

Fashion & Cake

Also, I finally figured out how to wear my Aislyn sweater. Turns out I’ve just been wearing too much underneath! A simple black body doesn’t distort the shape as much. French tuck the sweater into a skirt, throw in huge earrings to add weight to the top part, and it actually looks really good!

Outfit details

Aislyn sweater (handmade)| skirt – Blutsgeschwister (old) | body – Armed Angels | earrings – Boho Gal Jewelry (old)

We went for Sunday cake and coffee to Cafe Tagblatt in Waiblingen. It’s a nice little bistro-style place that always has delicious cake! Frankly, on the list of things that exist that I’m grateful for, chocolate cake makes the top five. It’s one of the greatest joys in life. Phil had cheesecake with blueberries. It was yummy too, but not as good as my chocolate cake. 🙂

Suck it anxiety, I’m learning Romanian …

I took up Romanian again a few weeks ago. I’ve done a couple beginners’ classes already but didn’t keep up. This time I’m taking baby steps by learning 10 words a day and one grammar lesson a week. So far it’s been really fun! Romanian is a beautiful language, and as far as Romance languages go, I think I prefer it over French and Italian.

… and I’m doing it dressed sharply!

The Alice + Olivia blazer I’m wearing on the right is a new addition to my wardrobe. I bought it secondhand because I realized I don’t have many business-style clothes anymore. After working in childcare for a couple of years, my wardrobe has veered towards practical and comfortable. My central requirements for clothes were: can I run in case a child gets hurt? Can I stand outside in the freezing cold or in the sun for a couple of hours? Can I get dirt, snot, or other questionable fluids out of it easily? Now that I’m slowly starting to interview for jobs at my actual profession, I sort of need to learn to dress up again. It’s an odd feeling, but at the same time I love that I can think about higher-end materials and different cuts, shapes and combinations now. 2023 is going to be the year of blazers and blouses!

Outfit details

Blazer – Alice + Olivia (secondhand) | blouse and belt – Hallhuber (old) | highwaisted jeans – Blutsgeschwister | earrings – Amami

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